Reading Journal | Ward D - Freida McFadden
I'd like to talk to you about a book again. I really enjoyed my little book journal earlier and I think it boosted the joy of reading the book.
I'm currently reading Ward D from Freida McFadden. I really liked the first book I read from her - The Inmate, so I went back to the store and bought this one too.
SPOILER WARNING - Read further if you already finished the book, or want to read it with me.
After Chapter 9
I just finished Chapter 9 and I've got an observation. Freida has a thing for this rundown farmhouse with the barely operating screen doors. This is the second book I am reading and the second farmhouse too.
Another thing. She mentions Jade Carpenter sending her a friend request on facebook, and she ignores it. No, blocks her as a response. How does she send a friend request from a psych ward? Is that maybe someone else? Like her mum or someone who liked Jade? Or someone who hated Amy?
There is also that concerning little girl in the past that Jade couldn't see. And the accusation from Jade that Amy should be in the psych ward instead of her. I think Amy either saw a hallucination or Jade lied to her to confuse her. It doesn't seem like they are very good friends. They were, but not anymore.
Amy is definitely scared of this encounter and this is established already. But she might have some guilt for something we don't yet know about?
Also I think Amy will be another unreliable narrator. So her feelings and interpretations about Jade might be wrong.
I think Amy felt disappointed in this friendship when Jade ended up befriending bad boys and doing things that she didn't like and was different from what she was used to. Amy seemed to be judging her according to her changed behaviour and her circumstances too.
I think it was easy for her to see other stuff into everything Jade did or could do through that judgement.
After Chapter 15
Just finished chapter 15. I think this is where it's all going to start? I think it was weird when Amy and Jade met again. A bit flat? It seemed like she overreacted it a ton. She was talking to someone locked in a psych ward and seemed like she wasn't quite mature about it.
And I'm not convinced that the sickening thud she's heard has really happened.
I think there will be something more to Will. I think his symptoms started way earlier than he admits and he might have killed someone that he is trying to conceal by lying about when the voices started talking to him.
As for Spider-Dan, I don't know what he heard or what he can sense but as a patient he isn't the most reliable source of information.
However it occurred to me more than once before... what if people with mental illnesses aren't ill? What if they see things more clearly. Or what if these voices are proof of the existence of the paranormal..
Obviously, this sounds ignorant of me and I'm sorry. I don't mean to dismiss the existence of mental illnesses. But as we see it, the definition of what a mental illness can change over time. A lot of things that aren't considered mental illness, was categorized a mental illness a few decades ago. And recognizing this can lead us to see a pattern that might result that in the future schizophrenia might be more than just a mental illness?
I think Amy will be taken aback after hearing that Spider-Dan saying Sawyer wants to kill them. I think she really shouldn't be around patients with mental illnesses.
When I say she that, I don't judge the patients - I judge her.
I think she is instable enough with a history of seeing her own doubts in herself materialized as a little girl. Seeing all the patients and interacting with them seem to destabilize her. Also, she went there believing she'll see extreme cases and she expected relief from the fact that seeing others in a state will prove that she isn't mentally ill.
But what she sees isn't what she expected. And this is the destabilization for her.
Another thing. Do we know of any official research that included multiple patients who experience hallucinations in terms of having them in the same environment and seeing if they see whatever the others saw? People with similar symptoms. That would be a great research material - I might as well have a look at this topic.
If another people heard the thud, it's not hallucination if they didn't it's hallucination. But whatever other people say, I wouldn't trust it blindly. Anyone can lie.
After Chapter 23
Just finished Chapter 23. I've been missing Cameron for a while now. It's weird to be missing on a shift when there is only 4 people working.
I think it's not a good sign. He's probably dead. Or something like that.
It's weird that every patients are so afraid of Damon Sawyer. I wonder if there is more to that story than what we know of.
Jade and Amy's conversation was quite sane and friendly. I wonder if I was right when I thought the whole thing about her is just in Amy's head.
I'm also curious what Will whispered to her. Are they trying to scare Amy? It would be funny if the whole Damon Sawyer thing was just Jade's idea to scare her. But that would be a bit of forced for the plot at this point.
I thought Amy's memories of her maybe somewhat false or maybe Jade changed in that 8 years. But I also thought, what if it's a trap? I'm not sure if their conversation suggested anything about Jade's memories. But one thing is for sure. Amy had something to do about her situation at least in her memories. And Amy doesn't deny it. Nor she takes the time to remember properly. So I wonder what happened, but I think we'll learn it soon. Something she isn't proud of... or something traumatic that she genuinely can't remember?
After Chapter 26.
Oh my god! I'm right after Chapter 26.
At the end of the chapter Amy is standing over Will's books with a book opened in her hand. And the book contains all his pills that supposedly helping him not hearing the voices.
Here is my theory. He's done something and he ended up in ward d because it was the easy flee way from the justice system.
And she'll definitely not have time to put the book back before he's back in his room, right?
I wonder if she might be in danger.. No actually, I don't think she is. And I think she'll escape the room before he's back and we will be left hanging again.
What if Will is hiding his medication because he believes the medication itself is preventing him from understanding something important? 👀
I mean, he can think his brain is functioning better without the medications and there are some theories circulating online about our brain being a filter of things our perception. If this is true, then the substances that result lower brain activity, might help us see something real? Something more? And the opposite; can a medication that takes away things we see, hm, make us actually less able to perceive things? Who knows.
The voices could say things that later happen. Or they can sound convincing enough for him to believe they are helping him.
Now, I'm going back to the exciting part^^
After Chapter 30
Just finished Chapter 30. Wtf. I strongly believe this is going to be a hallucination. I mean, it's her second time seeing blood. And the first time was jelly. Not even remotely similar to blood. Now the sounds and the blood... I think she expects something to happen so she sees this. Miguel is in a seclusion room which should mean, no one can enter. So unless Miguel has weapon to hurt himself, I don't think there can be any blood.
I'd probably believe it if someone else also sees blood there. But I'd still be suspicious. Because what if they want to destabilize her. If it's not Ramona or Dr Beck, then it might as well be a lie. But even if it's them... who knows who they are and who they are with. I don't trust Freida in this sense.
But I've got theories just in case she really sees the blood; Damon Sawyer escaped during the power outage and was hiding in seclusion room 2 and now is killing Miguel.
Another thing is... someone else does something on Ward D. Cameron is gone missing after all and he left without anyone seeing him.
From what Amy tells us, it seems like no one confirmed Damon Sawyer's location all night. This is slightly weird. I wonder if they already know that Amy is hallucinating the noises from his room.
The power outage was explained. The patients can be frightened because Damon Sawyer said he is going to kill them all. But Cameron's disappearance is weird. Even Amy is reasoning it. Why would he leave a note when his supervisor is right in the office nearby?
After Chapter 31
I'm right after Chapter 31. I have another suspicion. What if Amy arrived at Ward D as a patient and she thinks she's working while she is just disturbing Dr Beck all night long?
I could totally imagine this for the plot twist at the end. And there are other give aways of such ending. For example, she notices at least 3 times that his stubble has grown since the beginning of the night. What if this isn't happening throughout one single nightshift?
Dr Beck seems irritated with her. But I'm not sure this is a clue as he follows her after all - to see the blood. But the way he took a while to process what she was saying... is suspicious. But I might be just creative here...an her perception can be wrong too.
But again. Jade is always appearing if something happened to her or if she was planning something. I'm worried that Jade isn't actually a patient here and she is Amy's imagination.
Ah but that can't be.. Will talked to her too. Or maybe not? I felt like Amy might have mistaken that interaction to be honest. I don't know why but I felt like it could just be Amy interpreting something from a weird movement or something...
After Chapter 34
Just finished 34.. This is wild. Actually. For some reason, I think I believe Will. He received the information about his pills calmly. And he might just be genuinely disturbed. I also noticed that Amy too saw a shadow somewhere earlier but she didn't take herself seriously. Dr Beck's reaction could have been because he is involved or maybe because he isn't. At this point, we can't really tell.
But I have another explanation too. Will is telling the truth but he knew what Amy hallucinates and he hallucinated it too. It can be something similar to shared hallucination.
But I can also imagine this as a plan between him and Jade. After all... Amy doesn't know who Jade's boyfriend is. It might be Will? And that is why they arrived on the same day. Then he didn't arrive at Ward D voluntarily. And that date would be a bit wild for a coincidence.
Okay now, She doesn't get the code right. This again, supports her might be a patient?
But this could also be that Ramona is in the wrong and changed the code. And not just Ramona but the whole Ward D. I wouldn't be surprised if they were killing patients for their liver, heart or kidney🫣
After Chapter 35
Okay.. I'm finished with Chapter 35. And I find it believable. She mistaken jelly for blood earlier, so why not again. I think Amy being hysterical won't help her situation much.
And Will's door? I'm circling back thinking that Jade and Will might play it together. I have a very strong suspicion that they want to freak Amy out.
After Chapter 39
Finished chapter 39. If spider-dan says so, that's different.
He's delusional but does he have hallucinations too?
I wonder if Amy saw his folder.. She'd probably mention this. But it would be pretty wild if a person like Damon Sawyer who allegedly never saw her, would be looking for her. But what if they met?
After Chapter 40
Now that Amy believes Will could be Jade's boyfriend I am a bit taken aback. Haha. Her reasoning is quite week apart from the fact that they came at the exact same day, we kind of don't need much more... but I don't know.
A few questions popped up.
- Why would Jade tell Amy to date her own boyfriend?
- Why would they put them next to each other? Aren't their rooms too close? I mean they committed a crime together and doesn't it mean they're bad influence on each other? I'm sure they'd consider this even if that is the last two free rooms on the ward.
Now, I don't really believe they really are a couple.
After Chapter 41
Finished chapter 41. and... Oho.. it confirmed my earlier suspicion about Jade and Will. I mean Ramona confirmed it, so... I wonder what the plan is. Now that this is established, I wouldn't trust what Will says about the blood. They clearly have a plan and it doesn't seem like a friendly plan. I'm a bit disappointed.
After Chapter 49.
Will seem to genuinely say the truth according to Amy.
And what if Amy is right and he is really telling her the truth? I think, I want to believe him.
Another possibility. What if Will has DID? Will's one persona has paranoid schizophrenia while the other doesn't know a thing and he's frightened? I know DID has nothing to do with schizophrenia but they might as well live together? Or his diagnosis might be wrong and he has DID that looks like something else. I think it's not the easiest to diagnose.
Hm.. I actually don't believe that. But I'm also not sure that he'd attack Mary. And I'm almost sure that he wouldn't.
And that giggly Jade boils my blood. That bad acting deceived Amy, but not me.
Okay.. I think Ramona tells the truth about Jade and Will. Why would she lie. Unless... I think she's suspicious. But I think Will says the truth. But if they're both telling the truth, that can only be possible if both truths exist alongside each other?
But anyway... it's just that I want to believe him. Even if his story is wild so I might be building all kind of theories to support his story.
And also because I still think everything is happening because of Jade... even though the childhood friend turned out to be innocent in the previous book (Not like that matters here). But Jade is different.
I don't know. I'm confused.. I think it will end with Amy having to spend time on Ward D herself T_T if not all of this was just her being a patient.
But no, actually. I still suspect Jade. What would be a better revenge than making her believe she can not trust herself?
After Chapter 50
Amy still believes Will. I'm ready to believe shared hallucination as I previously also guessed this.
But Dr. Beck not answering Amy about Cameron and just dismissing her worries with shared delusions is rude. No outright unprofessional.
I also wouldn't be surprised if what happened to Mary was actually Jade's doing. We already know she's capable of physically hurting others.
After Chapter 51.
I'm just finished chapter 51 and What The Actual Fuck! She should have checked that folder at the beginning of the night.
And whether Damon escaped the seclusion room or not, it is either Jade or Damon who attacked Mary.
One question here. What does this have to do with Ramona? Why did she confirm Will and Jade? Because this is clearly not true. I don't know, I'm starting to suspect that she is one of their friend or family. Probably Will is right not to trust her too. And thinking back to Spider-Dan... where is he? Did he really, see Damon out of the seclusion room? Does he know what he looks like?
It doesn't mean Will isn't paranoid or anything. But opens up new possibilities.
and Jade you bitch😂
After Chapter 52
Just finished chapter 52.. Oh my god the Dr Beck we knew is Damon Sawyer! I'm sure. And where is the real Dr Beck and who Ramona is? Is she the real Ramona or replaced too? Probably both lying dead somewhere.
I knew it. Will was right all along.
But how come the patients didn't realize it's not him? How come Will had been on the Ward since Jade was and he doesn't recognize Dr. Beck as Damon? He also witnessed his outrage. Ah this is weird, and not adding up at all.
After the Epilogue
Just finished the entire thing..
I was sooooo happy to see Will alive. And it was a damn good ending for them together.
And I would definitely say the last few pages were the best thing in the whole book, but unfortunately it's quite easy to attack.
I mean after that chapter when Jade wanted to kill the teacher, she explicitly said that she never saw the girl again. Now she admits not only seeing her but also following her guidance. Of course it was a bit suspicious that despite her knowing herself, she instantly believed that she hallucinated the blood for example.
But still.. that last turn would have been stronger if she's not claiming that she never seen the little girl again at least twice before.
As for the Spider-Dan detail. It is lovely that they became friends. He was the only one who actually kept his word and protected Amy. Poor Cam died, and Will was sedated.
Even the little emotional string attached to Cameron. The dental floss idea (I'm going to the bathroom to test this though, because I'm not convinced that dental floss could strangle a strong guy) and later the ring dings... honestly the last few chapters made my heart do a bit of an overtime, haha.
I liked the book and it was very interesting, also made me think. It didn't give me however the involvement the Inmate did. Somehow I often felt like Amy and I would never even be friends while I really felt some kind of closeness with Brooke.
But I don't think I should compare the two. The first will be my favourite forever.
Maybe there are other holes. I think the last chapter was finished a lot later than the rest of the book and I think the way Cameron and Amy met and how Cameron's girlfriend left the party after an argument has change at the end to "being drugged" and these two things can't be mistaken. Not the way it was told us.
She could have done better for her friend but even if she didn't at the time, she had a second chance. But she didn't want to live with it.
I kept feeling myself closer to Jade who was an outcast misunderstood teen with no help. And even her best friend is an asshole to her, making her feel less with all those reactions.
That focusing on constant learning and the morality that comes with it...while by the end it turns out even she herself doesn't care about her own code of conduct? And that hate towards Cameron while he was never actually rude or bad to her is just weird. It's an obvious overreaction like he should be with her therefore he is a bad person.
While Amy never actually loves him, just wants him and at the beginning she tells this story like it just happened to happen. Because Cameron happened to see her, and she didn't feel anything just went with the flow... except, at the end she admits that she drugged his girlfriend. I don't know what to make of this inconsistency.
And I didn't really like how she thought of the patients. She often seemed to look down on them, dismiss their concern even if she believed some of it, she pushed it away because they were "only" patients. The way she wanted to compare herself to the patients to convince herself that she is "normal" and "not like them". I didn't find her a very likeable character after all.
I liked some small details. For example that Mary and Miguel knew Dr Beck that's why they were raging. Also the small detail that she called Amy Nicole because she was in staff clothing.
Details that only make sense after you know everything.
But! There was this small detail when Mary said Dr Beck is good looking and Amy should date him. Would she say something like that if she knows that he is Damon Sawyer and this is why she gives Amy a knitting needle?
I don't think so... she was clear minded enough to know the whole thing is wrong. I wonder if she just assumed Amy should know that Dr. Beck is an old man and that was a subtle message? No, I'm reading extra into it.
But Amy only realizing that there wasn't a loud noise when "Cameron left" after everything was over is a bit wild. I kept thinking about that detail.
Thank you for reading all of this^^ If you also read the book and want to discuss it, drop and e-mail to psycho_kaos at PM.ME
I’d love to hear you out!